


And Right Before Your Eyes I'm Breaking

by wanderlustlights



Series: 14 Days of Valentine's Day Fics [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Break Up, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Not Blaine or Klaine Friendly, Post-Episode: s04e14 I Do, Working Out My Feelings Through Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:26:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22536988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanderlustlights/pseuds/wanderlustlights
Summary: Blaine used to feel like home, a safe place where he could go whenever he needed comfort or reassurance, someone to lean on.  It would be so easy to just fall back into that same old warmth, let Blaine in again, let Blaine love him again.  But he can’t.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel
Series: 14 Days of Valentine's Day Fics [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1620160
Comments: 3
Kudos: 24





	And Right Before Your Eyes I'm Breaking

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly have no idea what inspired this. But nevertheless, here it is. An angsty Klaine fic based on episode 4.14 and the hotel room scene. I don't write a whole lot of Klaine, that's pretty obvious, given my writing history and the fact that I've never really shipped them. *Shrugs*
> 
> Title from "The Last Time" by Taylor Swift.

They’re halfway through getting dressed, Kurt pulling on his socks and shoes as Blaine tugs his undershirt back over his head, when Kurt pauses. Blaine finishes getting dressed as Kurt sits on the edge of the bed, staring far too intently down at the dress shirt still needing to be buttoned, the belt on his pants still needing to be buckled.

And suddenly everything is all too real.

They’d been caught up in the moment, that was all. The entire day had been a whirlwind from the moment they’d seen each other in the parking lot before the ceremony, a chaotic mixture of emotions. It has just been so _easy_ for them to come back together, for Kurt to go back to something so wonderfully familiar and comfortable. It had been so easy to take Blaine into that hotel room, to kiss him like his life depended on it, a familiar brushing of lips, a familiar feeling of Blaine inside him. He thinks maybe it should feel like coming home. Instead it only feels like a goodbye. A goodbye to his first boyfriend, his first love, the first boy who ever made him feel special and loved and welcomed in this often times too cruel world.

“Kurt?”

He doesn’t even realize he’s started to cry until he feels a tear fall onto his trembling hand as he struggles to button his shirt.

He looks over to Blaine, seeing the sad yet hopeful gaze on his face, and turns his eyes back to his hands, bracing himself for what he already knows is coming, what he already knows he has to do. He can’t keep living like this, in this ever present state of hope that one day he can forgive Blaine completely and forget all about what happened. They can’t go back to the way it was before, can’t regain the trust that they had before Kurt moved to New York and everything went to shit.

He can’t keep hoping that one day his take on Blaine’s cheating will somehow skew and they’ll be able to get back what they once had.

He already knows that nothing will ever be the same.

He just wishes it didn’t have to hurt so fucking bad.

“This was a mistake,” Kurt says, voice hollow as he stares straight ahead, hand on his suit jacket as he readies himself to bolt at any moment.

“What?”

“It was a mistake,” Kurt says again, a bit louder this time, making sure his voice doesn’t wobble. “We shouldn’t have done this. I shouldn’t have done this.”

“What are you talking about?” Blaine asks, sounding a little breathless, and when Kurt finally wills himself to look back over at him, he can see the ever hopeful expression on his face, as though he’s trying to convince himself that Kurt’s only playing around. The sight of it hurts, makes Kurt wish he could take back this whole day, reverse time so that he hadn’t gotten Blaine’s hopes up for a reconciliation.

Kurt swallows hard. “You know what I mean, Blaine,” he says, voice small and full of pent up emotions, words he’s never had the strength to say before. “We - we shouldn’t have slept together. We aren’t together anymore. This was a mistake.”

Blaine rushes over to him, shaking his head fervently as he lays a hand on Kurt’s shoulder that feels like a fifty pound brick weighing him down. “Kurt, you… you don’t mean that. This wasn’t a mistake, it was meant to be. _We_ were meant to be.” He presses a kiss to Kurt’s collarbone, brushing against the skin insistently as he moves up his neck. “I love you, Kurt, I love you so much, baby, please just-”

Kurt closes his eyes at Blaine’s ministrations, leaning further into his touch, letting the tears flow freely. Every touch, every word of Blaine’s reassurances that he loves him, all of it just makes him feel worse, only makes Kurt think of the infidelity and the fact that he just wasn’t _good enough_ , that he’ll never be _good enough_ for Blaine. Every kiss to his skin is searing, a painful reminder that he’s not the only one Blaine’s shared this with, that he’s been intimate with someone else while Kurt was away bettering himself and trying to move past the tiny hick town that is Lima.

Blaine moves back down, kissing harder at his skin as his hand moves to Kurt’s chest, swiping over his dress shirt.

“Please stop,” Kurt mutters weakly.

“Kurt, _I need you, I can’t live without yo_ -”

“ _No_ ,” Kurt says, more forcefully this time, a biting tone to the singular word as he jerks out of Blaine’s grasp, standing quickly from the bed. His chest is heaving, he can feel his heart beating hard in his chest like a damn rabbit’s with the exertion of extricating himself from Blaine’s vice like grip. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep thinking about you with some other guy, touching him, being intimate with him like you were with me-”

“He didn’t mean anything-” Blaine tries.

“You say that, yet you did it anyway, you were with _him_ anyway.” Kurt shakes his head vehemently, closing his eyes tightly even as the tears continue to fall. He knows he must look like a mess, red faced and tears streaking down his face in waves, hair still a mess from their romp on the bed. “Do you have any idea how much it hurt, how much it _still hurts_ , to know that you did that to me? To know that you went off with some other guy and cheated on me like it was nothing? I - I was gone for three weeks, Blaine. You pushed me to go and then punished me for doing exactly what you told me I should do. You told me to go to New York because you knew I wanted to be there just as much as I knew it, and then you just - you threw it all away. Like we never had anything at all.”

Blaine, for his part, at least has the decency to look shameful, though Kurt’s not exactly sure how genuine it is. “I felt so lost without you here, I was feeling like you were abandoning me-”

“Fuck your feelings, Blaine! What about _my_ feelings, huh? You sure didn’t seem to have any problem pushing them aside when you were off screwing some random guy, did you?” Kurt pinches at the bridge of his nose, letting out a short, unamused laugh. “And you know what the worst part is? Despite everything, despite the fact that I feel like I can’t even breathe whenever I think of what you did and how much you hurt me, I still love you. I can’t even hate you.”

“Kurt, I’m so sorry,” Blaine says quietly. “I’m so sorry. I wish I could take it back, you have no idea how much I wish I’d never done that to you. I never wanted to hurt you.”

He rushes to Kurt’s side, heart beating hard as he pulls Kurt into a warm embrace, hugging him so closely to his chest that Kurt’s resolve nearly crumbles into a million tiny shards. Blaine used to feel like home, a safe place where he could go whenever he needed comfort or reassurance, someone to lean on. It would be so easy to just fall back into that same old warmth, let Blaine in again, let Blaine love him again. But he can’t. He can’t trust him anymore, can’t trust Blaine not to hurt him again before he breaks entirely, much as he might want to.

“I know you didn’t,” Kurt says, the words catching in his throat as he winds his arms around Blaine’s back. “But you did. You hurt me.”

Kurt lets his arms squeeze Blaine tightly, as though trying to remember the feel of this beautiful boy, his first real love. He presses a lingering kiss to Blaine’s forehead, crying in earnest as a few tears spill onto Blaine’s cheeks and suit jacket, before all too soon he’s pulling away, forcing himself to take a few steps back to distance them.

“Goodbye, Blaine,” he says softly, opening the door and slipping out into the hallway before Blaine can say anything, the stale air of the building cool in his lungs as he walks away from what he once believed so adamantly would be his entire world and now is his nothing.


End file.
